By Donna LaBelle
For a human being, being with humans is irreplaceable.
While healing and battling cancer, the importance of other people is essential and grossly underrated. After a diagnosis, it is completely natural to go through stages of emotion - denial, anger, bargaining, depression - and sometimes these can only be experienced alone. But much like the stoic expression, “pulling yourself up by your own bootstraps” is basically impossible to do, so too is battling cancer alone. Other people play a very important role in healing; physically,emotionally and even spiritually.
In a solid physical way, we need other people. Yes, we need doctors’ expertise, but we also need our friend to pick up the kids when we have an appointment or a family member to order food or even cook for us. It’s important to ask for the help you need. People want to help but may not know how. In Cancer Support: Tips for Family and Friends a WebMD article, R. Morgan Griffin writes, “Don’t lean too much on one person. Instead, ask for help from several people. That way, you won’t feel guilty about imposing too much on one person, and no relative or friend will feel overwhelmed.“ The article also quotes Harold J. Burstein, MD, a staff oncologist at the Dana-Farber Cancer Institute in Boston, “A cancer diagnosis adds an enormous amount of stress to a person’s life, but people who have strong social supports -- good friends and family -- tend to cope much better.”
Many people have faced a cancer diagnosis, beat it and want to share how they did. They can give you practical information that keeps you from reinventing both the informational and learning curve wheels. You can find support and many informational groups online, resources in your area,, caregiver support groups (because caregivers are under tremendous stress too!, and books on how to tell children about what is going on in your life. There is even AirBnB community support.
But we also have an emotional need to be heard. To be truly heard is so important for healing. Releasing your thoughts and sharing the feelings you have to a therapist is valuable but does not compare to connecting with someone who listens and dialogues with you. This talking with feedback may be a powerful stress reliever which reaches down into the cellular level, stopping the toxic effects of unresolved issues that may contribute to dis-ease. It is a sad fact in our busy culture that some people don’t have ‘that person’ who would take the time to listen like this. Contrary to what one might think and in a surprising plot twist, even as a cancer patient or caregiver, you may need to give before you get; the classic Golden Rule in action. Everyone around you is dealing with something hard in their life and it is possible that listening to them and caring may help you divert attention from your situation. Helping them heal may help you do some healing too. It is good to know that when you need to talk for emotional or psycho-social health as professionals call it, there is a free number: 1-888-793-9355, Monday through Friday, 9 AM to 9PM EST. Sheila Hammer, a Licensed Clinical Social Worker at the Cancer Support Community explains more about this need for emotional support.
When emotional needs are cared for it produces HOPE. And hope is a very spiritual experience. We need it to go on. Spontaneous healings have even resulted. Our desire for a purpose bigger than ourselves causes us to climb to higher levels of existence. Who am I really? Why am I here and what can I contribute? This is super-natural. There are people who can help in the search for answers to these deep questions.
Founder Micol Sanko has written a book, Hope Over Fear, A Personal Guide to Cancer Survival, that combines all three needs that people have in this challenging place. Having been through so much, Micol has emerged with a beautiful message of hope!
Together we pray that you overcome and have your own story of hope to share with others!
Photo: freepik.com